winga posted:
Neither single mom fought me on punishment. I rarely punished them mind you but when I talked sternly they usually realized that I wasn't messing around. My question is, why would it matter if you're not #1 above her child? If she is putting 110% into your relationship with her then the children are not a factor really. Single mom's are a package deal. If you can't handle that then walk away.
This is a valid question and to be clear, I'm not saying that anyone should expect to be a priority over children, whether they are step children or biological children, but it's in the little things - the day to day things in a relationship that add up to a lot when a relationship settles down into the day to day routine after the initial stage of the new relationship.
You can scoff at the "value" of the "little things" all you want, but in the end, those are the things that carry a relationship and are what separate a marriage/committed relationship from just "dating" or a "friendship".
Caledric posted:
Cawlin posted:
A single mom will likely be of the mindset that it is her and her child(ren) vs. the rest of the world. As the non-daddy male in the picture, you will never REALLY be anything but a part of the "rest of the world".
The mom will second guess you before her child(ren). You will have limited, if any authority when it comes to raising the child(ren), your own personal desires, wishes, and life in general will always be a lower priority than those of the kids and the mom.
Pretty much lists out the reasons I'm getting divorced. I married a single mom, and she made it a point to constantly remind me that her and her kid did just fine before I came along. I was ALWAYS second in consideration for stuff. The child never actually had to listen to me, despite what mom "claimed." Constantly she would tell me to man up and be a dad, but anytime I did she would ream me for yelling at her child.
If the kid didn't want to do something she just threw a fit till mom got home (My off days are during the week) and then she'd make up some lie that of course mom would believe over me, despite the fact that mom constantly caught her in similar lies while she was home with the kid.
I also got used as a babysitter more often than not, so mom could go out with her friends that she was used to hanging out with before we met. Before I was babysitter she used her mom.
The whole situation has definitely tainted my views on getting married ever again, but I honestly might be willing again someday. I know one thing is for sure though. I will NEVER date a single mom again. Sorry to all you single mom's out there but I'll never trust that any of you are emotionally capable of having a man in your life.
Yeah, your wife sounds like my sister lol! She's put her husbands through that crap for as long as I can remember. Fortunately my own personal situations haven't been quite as extreme, but I can definitely hear and recognize the whole catch 22 concept of "man up" and then "don't you tell me how to raise MY kid(s)!" having experienced that myself. That part seems ubiquitous in all of my and all of my friends' experiences with single moms.
The bottom line with single moms is that there are almost certainly trust issues - and with good reason of course - they've been let down at least once already (or they were the a-hole and let someone else down, but either way, there's an issue). So it's understandable. It's annoying to hear them harp on how their new boyfriend should "man up" and be a dad, when the truth is that they don't actually trust you to do so, and wouldn't trust anyone to do so.
As for finding a woman who's not a mom - yes, obviously difficult past age 30 or so, but there's a difference between a mom with a kid under age 12-15 years old and one with a kid 12-15 or older. Sure teenagers are bastards, we were all bastards when we were teenagers, so we know damn well, but moms are generally a bit more relaxed and since the kids are starting to have their own lives, it's usually not so much about the mom being the kids whole life and so the mom can relax a bit and start having her own life again.
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