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Topic:
hooking up with a single mom? [Locked] |
Jezza_Belle  Title: =^.^=
Posts: 2,771
Registered: 2001-2-24 02:29:30
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Date Posted:
1/1/00 12:00am
Subject:
hooking up with a single mom? |
Cawlin posted:
Former_Camilla posted:
Cawlin posted:
Single moms are tough if you're looking for a relationship.
As the man, you will always be #2 or #3 in the relationship. You will never be #1. This not to say that you have to be #1 all the time, or should expect that in any relationship, but you will ALWAYS be a second consideration beyond the child or children.
Now I know that all parents are going to say "kids always come first!", and of course that's true, but that's not quite what I'm talking about.
A single mom will likely be of the mindset that it is her and her child(ren) vs. the rest of the world. As the non-daddy male in the picture, you will never REALLY be anything but a part of the "rest of the world".
The mom will second guess you before her child(ren). You will have limited, if any authority when it comes to raising the child(ren), your own personal desires, wishes, and life in general will always be a lower priority than those of the kids and the mom.
Now, if you're just looking for some fun between the sheets and you're both on the same page about having non-committal sex, sure, go for it! But be aware of the issues with a possible relationship if you try to go that route.
As a single father, I actually had to tell a girl recently (last week actually) that while my child is extremely important to me, I also have needs that need to be met and that sometimes, she isn't "always #1".
Both her and my child will need to learn to adapt to each other.
For me, saying that you're choosing one or the other before knowing what's going on, is a grave and naive mistake.
With that said, any relationship can work if the people want it to.
Maybe it's a mom thing, but I've spent the last 12 years in two separate (but not simultaneous) long term relationships with two separate moms. In one case the father wasn't in the picture at all, in the other, the father was active in the child's life but not living locally.
Everything I said above was a common occurrence between each of those relationships. I won't make the mistake a third time.
If you have no say in raising the children, its because YOU put up the face that you didn't want to be a parent.
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( - Y - ) These ones are not real, just FYI.
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-Darkfire-  Posts: 536
Registered: 2002-4-21 13:17:30
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Date Posted:
1/1/00 12:00am
Subject:
hooking up with a single mom? |
Anebriated posted:
you should probably become her friend, and in a drunken moment, give way and sleep with her. then, secretly fall in love with her while maintaining the facade of a casual relationship. then break up with her when you know your predicament. then sleep with her again.
that's what is going to end up happening tonite i bet.
i'm not worried about being the #2 in the relationship, i'm just not sure being involved with a girl in my circle of friends that has a kid at my age is wise
also its really because i'm not as into her as she's obviously into me. kind of a delicate situation.
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Former_Camilla  Title: Official Team Canada Cheerleader!
Posts: 189
Registered: 2001-3-11 13:54:39
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Date Posted:
1/1/00 12:00am
Subject:
hooking up with a single mom? |
-Darkfire- posted:
Anebriated posted:
you should probably become her friend, and in a drunken moment, give way and sleep with her. then, secretly fall in love with her while maintaining the facade of a casual relationship. then break up with her when you know your predicament. then sleep with her again.
that's what is going to end up happening tonite i bet.
i'm not worried about being the #2 in the relationship, i'm just not sure being involved with a girl in my circle of friends that has a kid at my age is wise
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Date Posted:
1/1/00 12:00am
Subject:
hooking up with a single mom? |
-Darkfire- posted:
Anebriated posted:
you should probably become her friend, and in a drunken moment, give way and sleep with her. then, secretly fall in love with her while maintaining the facade of a casual relationship. then break up with her when you know your predicament. then sleep with her again.
that's what is going to end up happening tonite i bet.
i'm not worried about being the #2 in the relationship, i'm just not sure being involved with a girl in my circle of friends that has a kid at my age is wise
also its really because i'm not as into her as she's obviously into me. kind of a delicate situation.
This sounds like any other time a chick is too into you and you just want casual stuff, parenthood need not even be considered.
Run away.
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College women are as unstable as free radicals. Thanks college.
-Anebriated
He was a jedi before he was a father and everyone knows how much jedi love to chop off hands.
-Kigaro
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Date Posted:
1/1/00 12:00am
Subject:
hooking up with a single mom? |
put it in the backdoor.
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Cawlin Posts: 1,759
Registered: 2005-2-22 07:58:42
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Date Posted:
1/1/00 12:00am
Subject:
hooking up with a single mom? |
Jezza_Belle posted:
If you have no say in raising the children, its because YOU put up the face that you didn't want to be a parent.
LOL yeah right. As the 'step dad' in a relationship like that, moms will give you all the latitude with respect to raising their children that amounts to mirroring what they say, backing what they say, and not telling THEM how to raise THEIR child. If it comes up to a question involving parental authority, the mother will overrule you 19 times out of 20, and all the child(ren) needs to do to overrule you is to run to mom if they don't like what you're saying and then the mom looks at the situation as if it's her and her child(ren) as the "team" and you as part of "the rest of the world". It's a foregone conclusion what the outcome will be once that starts happening.
Now I'm not necessarily vilifying single moms for behaving this way, it's entirely understandable. They've been forsaken by the father of their children in one way or another and their lives are much tougher in almost all cases. It's no wonder they would circle their emotional wagons so to speak and buckle down and deal with life. Again though, breaking the "me and my kid(s)" vs. "the rest of the world" mentality is a rare thing.
Former_Camilla posted:
Cawlin posted:
Maybe it's a mom thing, but I've spent the last 12 years in two separate (but not simultaneous) long term relationships with two separate moms. In one case the father wasn't in the picture at all, in the other, the father was active in the child's life but not living locally.
Everything I said above was a common occurrence between each of those relationships. I won't make the mistake a third time.
It's not a mom or dad thing to me, it's more of a naive mentality thing. For some stupid reason, single parents believe that they should put their children 100% before themselves, no matter what.
Even if their child is being an unruly brat, intentionally trying to ruin their parent's relationship (assuming they are old enough to know) or the parent believes that their child is somehow a hinderance on their relationship even at pre-early stages, the parent believes for some reason that they're in the wrong (take that as you will).
Being a single parent is not the end of the world. People need to get over that.
I agree that it's a naive mentality thing, and it's not just single parents who behave like you describe, but the behavior is exacerbated in my experience when it's a single mom who may be wondering about her own ability to be the kind of parent not just SHE would like to be, but that Dr. Phil and Oprah would like her to be. Single moms especially tend to judge themselves rather harshly in this regard in my experience and overcompensate. That is a tendency in all families where the parents are divorced, but it's especially bad with mothers that I've seen.
As for being a single parent not being the end of the world - sure, I can agree with that, but it's a situation for a non-daddy/mommy adult to be aware of that is unlike being a biological parent would be in an organic family.
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If ignorance were painful, half the posters here would be on morphine drips.
Everyone playing WoW knows everything about playing two classes: 1) their own and 2) Hunters
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winga Title: Canadian
Posts: 2,256
Registered: 2001-4-27 15:46:32
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Date Posted:
1/1/00 12:00am
Subject:
hooking up with a single mom? |
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1) Okay, most importantly, pics required.
2) What is the age variance since in your last post it almost sounds like the kid is around your age instead of the single mom.
3) pics?
4) Either get wasted, take her home and wake up in the morning going wtf? What just happened? Why are you in my bed? Or, alternatively, you can simply ask if she's looking for an eff buddy, 1 time, or an actual relationship.
5) Still waiting on pics.
6) I've had the opposite experience of Cawlin. Both long term relationships I've been in where the woman had kids they encouraged me to play an active role in their child(ren)'s life. At the very least didn't hold me back. Neither relationship worked out but it was not the child(ren)'s fault in either case.
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Axispipe Title: Destroyer of Worlds
Posts: 525
Registered: 2002-2-9 11:05:08
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Date Posted:
1/1/00 12:00am
Subject:
hooking up with a single mom? |
wrap your junk or be prepared to spend 18 years with a substantially reduced income.
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MINECRAFT>TF2>AC> DAOC > EVE >HelloKitty>Wow
http://www.oldtimersguild.com |
Sith_Mauler Posts: 1,851
Registered: 2002-12-21 13:40:03
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Date Posted:
1/1/00 12:00am
Subject:
hooking up with a single mom? |
Cawlin posted:
Single moms are tough if you're looking for a relationship.
As the man, you will always be #2 or #3 in the relationship. You will never be #1. This not to say that you have to be #1 all the time, or should expect that in any relationship, but you will ALWAYS be a second consideration beyond the child or children.
Now I know that all parents are going to say "kids always come first!", and of course that's true, but that's not quite what I'm talking about.
A single mom will likely be of the mindset that it is her and her child(ren) vs. the rest of the world. As the non-daddy male in the picture, you will never REALLY be anything but a part of the "rest of the world".
The mom will second guess you before her child(ren). You will have limited, if any authority when it comes to raising the child(ren), your own personal desires, wishes, and life in general will always be a lower priority than those of the kids and the mom.
Now, if you're just looking for some fun between the sheets and you're both on the same page about having non-committal sex, sure, go for it! But be aware of the issues with a possible relationship if you try to go that route.
it works the same way for dads, I have lost a couple girlfriends because they saw that I would always put my daughters ahead of them.
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Well I ain't first class
But I ain't white trash
I'm wild and a little crazy too
I have seen a lot of things in my life time.
That is why I walk the line I walk.
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aon_mixed Title:
Pirate Kitty
Posts: 2,317
Registered: 2002-8-19 07:30:30
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Date Posted:
1/1/00 12:00am
Subject:
hooking up with a single mom? |
Varece is a single mom, go for it!
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