Tough call here Lexi,


Firstoff...the past is the past,lets say for arguments sake she is trying to straighten her life out...A guy Like Nik is probably exactly what she needs...and from what you said it appears she appreciates/makes Nik feel alive again.

Heres the scenarios of what COULD happen


1) You tell him,he immediately flips out and tosses her away,re-enters his depresion. She ends up back in the gutter cause in her mind "the world apprantly doesnt forget". You now have TWO bitter/unhappy people


2) You dont tell him...he somehow finds out and flips out...you then have to act surprised...


3) You dont tell him....she really Has changed...both of their Lives are CHanged in a GOOD way.


Im pretty sure every one of us has a skeleton in our closet,or something we arent proud of in our past...sometimes silence is golden....


My 2 cents


good luck

 

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Basically to sum it up, you should follow Horundik's original advice.

If it comes from you to Nik, no matter what the situation, you're going to be the bad guy. Does he deserve to know? Absolutely. But it would be 100 times worse to hear it coming from your mouth than hers.

As for how to approach her about it, it's a lot easier. She's already made the effort to try and get to know you guys better. Invite her out to lunch or a drink sometime when it's just the two of you(don't bring more people because it will make it seem like you're ganging up on her) and be open and honest about it with her. Don't play games, don't toy with her, just tell her like it is which should essentially boil down to: I'm sure you know about Nik's past, and how you've been very close to the whole situation and how much Nik means to you as a friend. And that having been said, tell her that you know about her past, you understand that people make mistakes and that you aren't judging her or holding it against, but that Nik deserves to know one way or the other. Also tell her that you would much rather that he heard it from her than you.

You give her the chance to come clean with him, and pray that she's mature enough to take that opportunity. Because if it comes from your mouth, you're going to be the bad guy in the situation.

 

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I'd do nothing. I knew a chick that used to pull orgies and one day she said she was done with it , met some guy and had kids and as far as I know they been happily married 20 years now. People are who they are but they aren't who they are till a certain age in my opinion. That age is different for each person but what they've done till that point really doesn't bear a huge influence on what they will do or who they will be.


Forgiveness for the chick really isnt our concern though as we just care about Nik. The question here is will Nik be able to handle more drama like this should it all go wrong and the answer could go either way. On one side he's stronger for the mess that was the first relationship on the other he's created a place he retreats too since he was gone for so long. Now that this place exists in his behavior it wouldn't be surprising it would be his reaction come next trajedy. Further this trajedy , if handled as such, would be kind of shallow since he'd be stressing over something he has no influence over.. her past.


Ultimatly though the underlying question probobly is does it matter if Nik is in a relationship or single. Years ago everyone was married or whatever , nowadays its very common for people to be single. I dont think its so bad if this fails and if he closes up again or if he then stays single to his end. He'll be ok as there are things you get from male/female relationships you cant get from friendship relationships you have when single. Likewise there are things you get from friend relationships when single you dont get when in a couple.


Your position should be to be a friend. Comment and critisize on the hear and now. This relationship weighed as any relationship. He already went for the good looking girl. I'd be more concerned , if a lasting relationship is what's desired by Nik, that he's thinking with the wrong head. Spend enough years with anyone in any relationship and beauty means nothing. What matters is your compatibility, energy levels and how good of friends you can be because a life is a long time to spend with someone lacking those type of pleasentries.

Lance, how do you get away with smoking dope in the middle of the afternoon at your age?

 

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heheh Horun!!!


Aren't you happy Beo and me dont call you at 3 Am anymore, get you out of bed, to come defend the relics?


Edit:


What I meant was if Lexi's friend is so introverted and helpless at meeting girls and this is what he's pulled off after 5 years maybe leave it alone. With his description he may never meet anyone. He sounds like he cant handle the solo thing so maybe he's better off with this girl and all her baggage.


I think Lexi is in a tough position because she knows and possibly he doesnt and this is definatly a big deal to most people but we dont know if Nik doesnt know. If it does matter to him, which chances are it does, when he finds out if subsequentially he learns Lexi knew all along he will be mad she never told him.


How did he meet her? Maybe he knows and is just having fun. In which case I imagine he'd not tell his friends so that she doesnt get ostrasized by them and they can hang together. I guess the thing is his friends do know now so better they tell him.


Ultimatly I think if I was in Nik's shoes I'd want my friends to tell me. So you right I'm probobly off the deep end with my post.

I didn't read anything, but my advice is to have sex with her, take pictures, and post them here.

 

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Lance, I would love to be woken up at 3am for a relic raid! That would mean it would be 2001 and DAoC was still exciting!

Panhead, with a Zen-like focus you have zeroed in on exactly the only reason that anyone should be posting on VN.

 

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Panhead for President!

 

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I think I already served a lengthy ban for posting somebodies private pictures on vn, I doubt they will be as gracious to give me a second chance if I did so again.

Thanks for all the input. I'd like more. Friday we all have 'the dinner' and I don't think it's gonna be so smooth.

A few things:

- Nik has absolutely no clue about it. Because my sister and Nik hit the mall the other day and she said that someone we went to school with was busted for prostitution. Nik went on a 10 minute rant about whores and how they should be shot on sight for spreading their sickness and filth etc. My sister said that it was the first time she was at a total loss of words. He went that into his hatred and disgust over them, strippers, etc.

- Nik met her at the mall. She was reading a book and Nik was at the food court writing something. She asked to use his pen and she broke it and Nik stated that she should buy him a drink and call it even. To his surprise, she did. The two then went to see Avatar and then went to dinner. They hung out the next day, the next day, the next day... etc.

-My sister made a joke and said "I was thinking of trying crack out," and he said that he would beat the living piss out of me and have me put in jail and rehab etc. She said he was 100% serious.

This scenario is different because we know Niks opinion on the subject; however Nik has no clue he is now IN the subject. He's involved.. unknowingly.

Also there is no way Nik would keep a secret like this from us, because he knows Cliff and knows that we can pull information etc. I know the clerk or the court here, 1 of my friends moms works for the city, and we have a lot of cop friends - so that is not an issue. If Nik was keeping this a secret he wouldn't have brought her over. Also, had it not been for Cliff being here and remebering her this would not have come to light. So yeah... there is no way Nik knows this and is 'pretending'

Tho I believe that Rackir's statement is true... we all have done things we're not proud of.. and sometimes silence is golden... there are some things that you just cannot let go by.

Again - sooner or later it'll get to where they are out and a 'client' spots her. There is no preventing that. Daytona Beach may be a big city... but it's not to the point where you do not know whose whose. Also - it's on her record... sooner or later he's going to find out why she can't get a job... sooner or later he's gonna ask Cliff to see if he can help her and it'll escalate.

Thanks so much for ALL the opinions so far.... except Panhead.... who I hope follows his advice, gets the clap, and ends up scratching his balls off with a hangnail.

 

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So from what I read and how I understand it is...

Instead of letting him figure this out on his own or giving her the chance to come clean to him eventually (probably when their relationship is stronger and he would be able to handle some news like this way better) you guys are gonna bust the news at this dinner on Friday?

Seems to me this girl is a threat to you and your friends in some sort of way? You dont want her being around you or your friends and especially Nik, why? What do you guys get out of taking the only girl from him that he's had feelings for in a long time?

 

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