It's hard for me to be serious but this is a rare occassion where I cannot just trust those I encircle myself with irl. By asking you all I open this up to a more diverse crowd that can perhaps offer some insight and help me with this dilemma. For starters, excuse my typo's. Been a long long day. The story shall start here:


My friend Nik has always had trouble with girls. I’ve known Nik since 9th grade. As a joke I hooked him up with one of my friends, and I know for a fact she was his first kiss.. because I took her out to dinner if she kissed him. I felt bad when things went South and Nik has always hung around my friends and I as our nerdy sidekick. Anytime we have had computer problems, or TV / Car issues – Nik was always useful and he has always treated us with respect. Nik isn’t that “attractive,” but he has a good heart; sadly, that doesn’t go far when a girl is looking for a guy. The odds of a beautiful looking girl getting to know a guy and falling for his personality is rare when you have the appearance of somebody like Nik, so he never really got a chance with women.


Nik had love once. A girl named Tina was always friends with us, and she got to know Nik for whom he was. She was decently beautiful and this fairy tale story woulda had a happy ending, sadly a drunk driver ran over Tina a few months before their big planned wedding and while it was (rumored) she was carrying his child. Nik was devastated. He lived with us for a few months because he lost his apartment because he couldn’t work etc. He got back on his feet and moved out on his own and still visits us or takes us all out for dinner frequently. Tina passed away about 5 years ago, I think, and Nik has not had a stable relationship since. Sure he’s had some, but he hasn’t had that connection. I think that since Tina his longest relationship was like 3 months.


So Nik has had a lil relationship going on lately. Last night he brings her over. She was very polite, nice, and with all honesty… super model material. I mean this girl was beyond Niks caliber. She was sitting with him holding his hand the entire time, snuggling with him, laughing, and a very friendly person. She did our dishes in our house after our dinner, and played some Wii with us and was an awesome person the entire time. We were all so happy with Nik and he told us that he was so amazed to be in love and have found someone whom he feels such a strong connection to. Then our friend Cliff came over…


Cliff is a police officer, and was friends with my father when he was alive. Cliff came in, saw Nik and his girlfriend and went to the other room and occupied himself with some of his paperwork. It’s nothing new, as Cliff isn’t really social around new people. After a while, Nik and his gf left giggling and kissing the entire way out. We congratulated them two for finding eachother and went to talk to Cliff. The happiness ended here.


Cliff said that the girl was somebody that was arrested about 6 months ago for prostitution. She also had a drug problem with crack, but was not booked on that charge (I didn’t ask why). She served 29 days in jail. He pulled up her picture on some website and sure enough there she was. After her stint in jail, she enrolled herself in some treatment program and has since enrolled in the local Community College. She apparently already had an education of some sort, because she has a degree in Criminal Justice. So now we have our problem and the debate has been constant here since this occurred.


Should we tell Nik and ruin the only happiness he has seen since Tina’s death? Do you think a person can change and she finally found someone to focus on and steer clear? Can an ex hooker truly be out of that life style? I know she has no STD’s because she was telling us how she applied for a job and had to take a drug test and STD test and passed and was applying for something else, yet what will her excuse be once they run a background check? Part of me wants to imagine I heard nothing or corner her and let her know she needs to come clean, because I know he doesn’t know.. but do I really want to do that or should we just mind our own business. What will happen when they hit the mall or something and someone who was with her says something? Would you drop your relationship with a hot model type if you found out? I mean… is she truly different then a random club whore that does it for free, I mean yeah… crackheads a crackhead and a hookers a hooker, but can a person truly change? Would this knock her back down to depression or suicide? If you saw them.. it was like.. perfect… ugh… opinions appreciated.

 

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If you are not 100% sure of the facts, then do nothing, otherwise it is possible that Nik does know everything or perhaps just parts of it. Your best series of choices begin with this: Talk to her first.

Let her know that you heard some things about her past, that you are concerned about Nik hearing those things as well, and that if she cares about him that he should hear it from her. If she seems genuinely upset and embarrassed, then you can put a pause on your panic. If she says that she has already talked to Nik about it, then you are free to tell Nik everything you know (in case he does not have all the facts). If she gets angry, then kick her in her whore-pocket and tell Nik everything you know.

If you are lucky enough to get option #1 from your encounter with this woman, then give her some time to find a way to tell Nik. If she does not have that talk with him within a couple of weeks, then go ahead to option #2.

No matter which way this goes, prepare your spare bedroom.

 

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This --> "our best series of choices begin with this: Talk to her first."

You can also ask Nik indirectly how he feels about the subject by asking how he'd feel if he found out *you* were a crackhead whore. If his reaction is something like "Lexi, I've known you for years, I don't care." then that tells you something, versus if he reacts like "get away from me, skank, I can't believe I was ever friends with you."

 

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Oh trust me, he doesn’t know. If he knew it would never have happened, but the fact is that it happened and now he will find out (somehow). We had a friend who became a stripper and Nik barreled her into the ground talking about how it’s like 1 step from escorts and prostitutes. He has zero respects for girls that are strippers and has a big antitrust policy on girls that are bartenders being that they are ‘socialites’ lol. So I can only assume that he considers hookers below bartenders, escorts, and strippers. He doesn’t like or respect them and our friend won’t talk to us no more due to how bad Nik trashed her about her career choice lol. The issue is… it’s happened and now what will happen. What would you all do if this was you.. would u leave her or what?

 

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I'd only leave her if she were dishonest about it, personally. But I'm not exactly a prude, and tend to think prostitution should be legal in the first place.

 

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So you would honestly date an ex prostitute or ex crackhead without any problem? You would give someone the chance to redeem themselves?

 

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More accurately: If I was dating someone, and had developed feelings for them, and up to that point they seemed like a decent person, I would give them a chance, yes.

I wouldn't be trolling around the back streets for a crackhead whore as my typical dating scene, however.

If they had lied to me about it, I'd drop them like a rock.

 

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I did not realize we were trying to figure out what Nik would do or what we would do in Nik's place. I thought you wanted to know what you should do, which I think talking to her first is the starting point with the least down-sides to yourself.

Not knowing Nik, it would be hard to say what he will do when he finds out. My money is on freaking out, so like I said, get your spare bedroom ready.

What I would do in Nik's place is pretty much in accord with what Bluejaye wrote. If I was not really that into her then I would have no second-thoughts about getting away from her as soon as possible, but once I was already involved when I found this out then it would be more complicated. I would stick with it though there would be a hair-trigger on the dump button. That hair-trigger itself would probably be the ruination of the relationship eventually even though she may be a perfect angel, but I believe that if you are already involved then you have more of an obligation to evaluate things over time.

My initial reaction would probably be to freak out but I would get over that, and I think it would be important for me to do that freak-out with her rather than someone else. If she is actually the one that tells me, and handles my freak-out session that will help with the easing off of the hair-trigger over time. If someone else tells me and I have to drag the facts from her, the odds of the relationship surviving is going to be much lower.


PS: If/when you do talk to her. Do not under any circumstances tell her what you know. Be vague. She knows the facts much better than you do, so discussing details only puts you in the dummy-chair.

 

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Yeah, they are both coming over later tonight for dinner. (She) wants to get to know us better so (she) took the initiative to come over around noon while I was not home and tell Brittney that she would like to get to know Nik's friends better and wants us to join them for dinner - her treat.

Brittney was Ms. Secret Agent. They had cocoa and talked for a while and basically she told Britt how she has been in school non stop and finally got her degree in Criminal Justice but is having a hard time getting a job due to (lack of experience and the job market). She said she took about a year off to evaluate her place in life. She said she has never loved anyone like Nik (which amazed Brittney because she cannot tolerate Nik), and how her and Nik are so similar she found her 'soul mate.' She went on about how attractive he is and how he treats her like a Queen and how she is surprising him tomorrow with tickets to some kinda theme park thing etc.

So I kinda feel bad, but again... I feel obligated as a friend to say something.

I think we're gonna sit back and enjoy our dinner... and plan to spill the beans with her at a more appropriate time. Again tho.. public place... I'm just wondering how many people are gonna recognize her and it just takes 1 loudmouth drunk John to spill the beans. Once that happens... it's gonna look ugly, so I feel the clocks ticking.

 

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Obviously she changed her life and has found some good out of it (him). Leave it at that, and let her tell him when she feels comfortable enough around him to let her skeletons out of the closet.

 

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