[Don't let the title get you too excited.
]
Part XVI - And In The Darkness Bind Them.
Mmmm....bacon...greasy bacon...
*gulp*
*sip sip*
*bite*
*gulp*
*sip sip*
*bite*
"I like your class ring."
*gulp*
"Hmm? Oh this? Yeah, it's nice, not too fancy."
"Lemme see it again!"
*bite*
"Mrmpphr"
I sometimes wonder if people think because of its low profile and simple elegance that my class ring somehow holds immense power. If it does, I certainly wish someone would tell me how to use it, because I still get speeding tickets, pay taxes, have to fly commercial airlines, don't have an army of heartless minions, and have to sit through Wendy's adverts to get to the next 8-minute stint of Simpsons. But I hear TiVo works well for that last one.
My class ring is silver (5 kids in the family, you don't get gold nuthin'
and has a star carved in relief, the symbol of the academy I went to. No gems, no 3-inch vertical span from the hand, and it doesn't weigh as much as a pinball. I like it. Other people do, too. Engraved on the interior is my full name and "Seventh Class," meaning I would be part of the seventh graduating class of the institution.
It's a good conversation piece, and I usually have no qualms using it as such. When Emily asked, I must have mistaken those qualms in my stomach as simply an adverse reaction to my Porky Pig and Mad Cow Sandwich.
I slid the ring off my finger, handed it to her, and continued my ravenous foray. [In writing this, I honestly think that burger was the best thing that happened to me all night.]
The standard conversation ensued as she inspected the ring and *sigh* put it on her finger again. I continued eating and she continued sipping.
She, however, made no gesture of returning the ring.
You know how there are those societal norms? Like how expensive an entree you should order when being treated to dinner being a function of how long you have known the person and how rich you think they are, or how if you're in a subway, the required distance between your armpit and the next guy's ear is inversely related to the population density of the coach, or how long you should hold someone's baby the first time you see it, or how far you are required to push someone's broken down car before recommending a suitable parking lot for ditching the thing? It's this unspoken agreement of nods and glances that makes our day-to-day life a smooth continuum of communication without the tedious repetition of always awkwardly requesting permission to do something or passing out to all your friends a list of conditions which, if satisfied, will indicate that your phone conversation has now reached fruition, and both parties should then respectfully wish each other good day and hang up.
Emily didn't give the ring back.
How does one go about informing someone that they have committed a minor infraction of an unspoken law? This wasn't a case of her forgetting, like when someone borrows your car keys to get their jacket out of the car and forgets to give them back for 3 hours while you are at a party. She was INTENTIONALLY holding on to this ring!
I finished my sandwich. Everything went downhill from the sandwich.
"Can I have my ring back now?
"
The
indicates the cutest, most innocent, nice-guy smile I could come up with while secretly wanting to fake a ruptured appendix. Hey, I might have even taken an actual ruptured appendix as a godsend.
"Not while you've got greasy fingers like that!"
Ok, I admit I was a mess. Never order ribs, spaghetti, or really big burgers when you want to impress a girl, I know. That's why I had ordered the biggest, slimiest, angst-ridden-generation-Y-er-spit-filled monstruosity that The Feed Bag offered! This is EMILY we're out with here...
Greasy fingers? Never mind the fact that when I handed it to her, MY FINGERS WERE PLENTY GREASY ALREADY!
"Ok, hehe."
I retreated to the restroom to wash my hands and check the mirror to make sure I was as well-presented as possible in the event that I needed to flirt with a cute girl that walked into the restaurant or something.
"Ok, I'm cleaned up, hand me my ring and let's go.
"
<--- Same smile, even made sure I didn't have any sesame seeds stuck in my teeth this time.
"No!"
And with that, she headed out into the parking lot.
eah sure."