I have persuaded myself, at this time, I am not monogamous by nature. I continue to do sexual research which supports my position. In general, ee are culturally indoctrinated to adopt a standard narrative (monogamy) into our belief systems. My research is nothing original. I am just building a bibliography to see what is available in the literature. And it is more of a hobby than a passion. It is controversial but gaining acceptance.

This does not mean I cannot unconditionally love someone. This critical hurdle needs to be negotiated before you can enter into an honest open relationship with anyone. There are women who I am completely compatible with intellectually and sexually. So, the issue: Why do I need more than one? My answer: Existence is manifesting. It is natural and harmonious. My only guidelines are, Do no harm and be open.

Have you ever tried telling a woman, I am not going to promise to be faithful to you; but I have redeeming qualities that will give you something else. This is a difficult sell. First, it cannot appear as a sell. Every woman I seem to be interested in can sniff out my agendas before I even know I have them.

I am bravely sallying forth with the zeal and optimism of Don Quixote-post realization.

/blog off

 

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I want to really fall in love with a woman and become her best friend

 

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You can do this with many women. it does not have to be one woman. The simplified standard narrative is one where we come together physically and economically for a few years to raise children. This family man dimension is not to be diminished. I have three loving sons and know the joy of fatherhood. We were not designed to spend 50-60 years with one exclusive lover.

 

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True but if I chose one woman and she chooses me I want to respect her and not betray her trust by fooling around with other women.

I of course am the worst person in the world to be talking about relationships but this is how I feel right now

 

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The trust issue is critical. This is why I tell women going into a relationship my philosophy on monogamy. When you are in your middle age years and an empty nester everything changes. If you are awake it is easy to see. You cannnot regain the dynamics of the way you behaved when you were younger-why would you want to? These guys who are 60 and 70 with young children are odd in my perspective. Why would anyone want to go through this angst? Really one child is enough.

 

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I dont want to have children. This is really not a problem since I'm not having regular sex with women.

If I did accidently have one I would love and raise it though. The problem is my income is so low that I could probably barely afford it. I can barely afford to live right now!

And Modeeb I admire the great job you did with your kids and the long period you were married to your wife. You did a great job. Sounds like today you are dealing with many rationalizations but at the core I know you are a very good and loving person and a great father

 

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Arent there other polyyamorous women you can be with? I dated a girl that told me she has since she was a child felt shed never be with just one man and would be one of the swinger types.. She said that she had cheated on every man she was with. The key thing about her though was she only wanted to date people that were monogamous by nature... That was her big problem, she had no interest in being with someone like herself.

There is a population of open minded women. Intimacy and caring, as well as sex, is the key in the relationships I seek. I am not a swinger type. This is a stereotype. I have been through all types of hedonism, including multiple simultaneous sexual partners. I am trying to blaze some new paths in my later years.

 

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I wouldnt call it open minded or closed minded - she seemed to be deeply troubled as far as her personal relationships went. The fact that she hated the concept of men that are like her said a lot to me. Maybe for her it was always having the upper hand and the fallback or the attention/thrill of a new relationship or affair.

Anyway, im sure there are people who share your point of view - you should try to connect with them, but you might be left unsatiated ; they will not be capable of giving you their undivided attention and affection the way a monogamous lover can.

You are speaking about pathological narcissists. People who need multiple partners to mirror they are acceptable. I have lived through this. This is not the case with me at this time. I accept myself as I am. I am usually drawn to women who accept themselves as they are.

 

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