The truly amazing thing about "grace" to me, when I was told I was being granted such, was simply that someone who made the mistakes and caused as much damage as I did in my early life would be granted any at all. I know better now, after much time and effort on my part to understand. The mitigation of what occurred to me in my early childhood played a part.


More, I know now that, for all the mistakes I made, even at my worst times I was still doing some good things. At times, even though I was near my most horrid times inside my head, I was making what some considered to be truly noble gestures, and continuing to make contributions to the community. Knowing and understanding that now helps me look for the same good in other people who are suffering as I did, and struggling to find their way out of that downward spiral I lived in for so long a time.


Having had years now of giving back to the community, repaying money, and repairing some of the damage done helps me feel as if I've earned some of the "grace" granted to me years ago. I believe I've brought some honor and respect to those who taught me well, even though I seemed not to learn at the time, and took so long to begin moving forward. I'm hoping I've brought the same things to those who trusted in me to come back into a decent life, and stood by me when most people had given up on me.

 

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Wow, Esh, you definitely have had quite a life. Glad you were able to pull it together and start straightening out. Keep it up

 

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Moses was 80 when he started his ministry for the Lord. (just something to think about...)


Unfortunately I don't know anything about the Catholic church or what they teach. Well, maybe || that much.

I never added this to my focus thread since people around her don't like God too much. But I have never known a moment of my life without Him. I talk to Him, He talks back. I imagine you've already tried that.


One Edit Note: You *never* earn grace. It's a gift. A free gift. But a gift nonetheless.


You probably hate it when people talk about God, do you?

 

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Well, this topic got interesting.


I don't have much more to say aside from, "Some folks gotta learn the hard way." I don't judge Esh or Anon or FYC because I've known people like that my whole life - it was a lucky thing too, or else I may not have learned from their mistakes and kept myself on the straight and narrow. The real crimes that were committed weren't to society...it was to themselves. You can repay your debt to society all you want, but it is meaningless unless you can forgive yourself.


It only becomes too late to make amends when you're dead.

 

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As long as I continue to work with my support groups, and do my footwork, I'm in a pretty good place for continued sobriety. I have no desire to return to the kind of life I lived. Indeed, I'm quite afraid of going back into what was, for me, a living hell. I believe I'll manage to avoid slipping back into such a state of mind and condition of body.


Still, as you imply, the possibility of relapse will be a danger for me the rest of my life. Nothing I can do will remove that danger. The best I can do is to keep doing what works for me to stay sober, and live a decent life. The rest is beyond my power.



I can't think of a time in my life when I didn't believe in God. I simply don't understand what God is, how God works, or why God would care about someone as unimportant and insignificant as me.


So, when it comes to the God parts, I have faith in God, and continue doing my footwork whether I understand the reason or not. Some days, I'll understand quite clearly why I'm doing what I do. Some days, I'll figure out why I did something that needed to be done in the past. Some days, I have no clue, and will not get a clue no matter how long I live or how much I learn. I'm ok with that. I have faith I'll be guided to what is best for me. I might not like what I get, but I'll continue to work on forward progress regardless.


One nice thing I've learned over the past 10 years is, I'm not God. Knowing I'm not God takes a whole lot of pressure off me.


Edit - I dislike when anyone tells me I have to believe God as they believe God. No one has the right to tell another person any such thing, imo. Still, I'm learning by the examples of others, and my own efforts, to dislike the behavior while still loving the person. That's a real gift for those who can do it well.

 

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Hehe, D_E, I had to learn the hard way. Fortunately, I've been able to help some other people avoid the mistakes I made. I agree, forgiving oneself is a necessary step in moving forward. Until I started to forgive myself, I couldn't even face what I'd done to learn the lessons and not repeat the mistakes.

 

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Its very easy to judge others and their outcomes in life from your angle...for you to truly understand you would have to experience life as he did from the beginning. Who knows maybe you would have flourished...maybe you would had given up..followed a similar path as he if you experienced life just as he had.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm not judgeing him. I did not applaud him and I did not condemn him. I think he took a beating from Annon because he reminds Annon of himself and he hates what he sees in himself. All the anger and spite from Annon is what Annon would like to say to himself but he's scared of himslelf.

 

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Esh *salute*

 

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Samna *bow*

 

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