Well I don’t really know why I even signed up for a Focus-on. I guess it’s because I realize that every single one of you, excluding Billho, have no idea who I am. That’s right ACF, I’m not really like this IRL. But could I really prove that to you? Maybe you think I’m just saying this to create an excuse for my hated persona. I’ve said it many times before “Almost everything I post here is sarcasm.†It’s not easy to read sarcasm through text, as I’ve blatantly noticed throughout my 5 years of VN. So here’s my story.. maybe it’ll shed some light on my not-so-evil real self.
First, I want to talk about my family, as I find these issues more influential to my life than anything else.
My parents were divorced long before my memory kicks in. My mom was married to my step dad when I was around 3.. and my real dad got married to my step mom around the same time. My step dad was “mentally abusiveâ€, I guess. He was ridiculously uneducated (he dropped out in the 6th grade), which lead to random attacks towards my (and my mom’s) intelligence. Even though I was a well-behaved honor student, I was called “stupid†and “disrespectful†more times than I can remember. However, my step mom was absolutely amazing. She and I had a real connection and she treated me as her own daughter. But, by the time that I was 7 years old, she and my dad got a divorce. Once my step mom was out of the picture, my dad immediately started to date another woman who had two children of her own. This new woman wanted me out of the picture and through her persistence she got her wish. I stopped seeing my dad when I was 8 years old. However, I have continued to visit my first step mom and her family frequently.
So because my step dad was a royal retard, and my dad had chosen his new family over me, my mom was left to raise me alone. Not only did she have to raise me alone, but while suffering from a chronic illness. My mom was diagnosed with Chronic Pancreatitis when I was about 6 years old. She had always had the disorder, but the medical world hadn’t known much about it yet. Chronic Panrcreatitis is when the pancreas does not create enough digestive enzymes to break down your food. The most common reason for the disorder is alcoholism, as it can seriously ruin your liver and pancreas. My mom, however, was born with a deformed pancreas. Pancreatitis is a very painful disease. There is almost never a moment when my mom isn’t in pain. She takes 6 pancreas enzyme pills with every meal. Because of her disorder, I grew up very nervous and sensitive. I have always been over-protective of her.
Flash forward to the 7th grade. I was in the honors math class and was receiving A’s and B’s. And then, in the middle of the year, my grandma died (my mom’s mom). The closeness between my mom’s family members cannot be explained. Let me just say, this death was enough to send all of us into a depression that still hasn’t ended. My mom was the closest to her. Because of this depression, my mom couldn’t care for me as she used to. I received D’s and F’s my 8th grade year, missed 40 school days, yet somehow managed to pass on to the 9th grade.
The 9th grade was the most horrific year of my life thus far. This is the year that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is the year my mom finally decided to divorce my step dad. During the divorce, my step dad had it ordered that my mom receive a full health exam, because he thought she was over-exaggerating her ailments to win more money. These tests included a breast exam. This is when we found out she had the cancer. My mom took all the money and furniture that she wanted from the divorce (because we had proof that he cheated on her), and focused on getting her cancer taken care of. She had two surgeries that year, and she was breast cancer free... until recently. Only months ago they found more cancer. She is still recovering from her surgery and just finished her radiation. We are hoping that this time, it’s gone for good.
And now, about my internet/gaming/artistic/personal life.
I began gaming as soon as I was old enough to hold a controller. I loved the SNES and everything after it. When I was 11 years old, we got a computer and I was introduced to Star Craft. Soon after, I was introduced to Asheron’s Call. This is where my gaming life takes a crazy leap.
Asheron’s Call, to me, was more interesting and fantastic than anything I had ever participated in. My two cousins, Rob and Mike, were in the AC beta. Mike was actually an advocate for a while. Shortly after they let me tinker around with it, I was addicted. I have played AC on and off for 5+ years.
Because of AC, I became an internet junkie. I got my own computer right at the beginning of my family drama, and I secluded myself to the internet. I actually developed a real problem for a while. I barely had any friends in my 8th grade year. All I wanted to do was waste away on AC.. and I basically did. I would stay up for 2 days straight and then sleep for 16 hours. It was bad.
But, I grew out of it. By the 10th grade, I was never on the computer. I was out partying with friends. I drank and smoked as much as I could. I was soon very depressed from this so-not-like-me lifestyle, that I fell back to computers.. but not in an unhealthy way like before. This is when I met Billho. I actually didn’t meet him on ACF, but through Malik-Gynax and those guys. We all started playing games together.. and Billho and I ended up getting close.
By this time I was very interested in my art. I had always had a talent, as I inherited it from my family’s long history of artists. I enrolled in every art class I could. I practiced my ass off.
The 11th grade was an awesome year for me.. in a social way. I had cleaned up my act by getting friends who didn’t drink or do stupid crap. I am generally funny and outgoing irl, so it isn’t hard for me to make tons of friends. I then started to e-date Billho even though we were both really skeptical about the whole thing.. but we were happy. I was excelling quickly in art, and I decided to try out for a caricaturist job at Kings Island, a local theme park. I got the job and worked an entire summer, drawing until my eyes bled.
I also got to meet Billho that summer. In July, he flew to Ohio and stayed with me for a week. We really hit it off. I had already known him a long time, so it was comfortable to be around him. And as you all know I recently went to visit him in NY.
My senior year has been the year of nothing but ART. My whole objective was to get into Ringling School of Art and Design, to study computer animation. I had all of the experience from my caricature job, and I had improved greatly. I began to work towards a portfolio.
The portfolio, however.. ended up with a very mixed media. They wanted mostly figure drawings and realism, where I had done a huge variety of works. I ended up being waitlisted and didn’t get in. I’m now working on more figure drawings and realism to get in next year. I am extremely confident that I can get in next time. I hope to take a few figure drawing classes over this summer.
I’m now graduating high school in a week. I’ll be working all summer, with another visit from Billho, and I’ll be going to art classes (hopefully). I am actually quite happy to take a year off from school to save money for college.. as we’re insanely poor. But life is exactly where I want it to be right now. I’ve recently changed my diet and am losing weight too. 15lbs so far, ooh boy!
So ACF, I’ll end this with.. I’m truly not a bad person. I don’t hate any one of you.. no matter how much I pretend to. This internet bad-ass is really just a chick with a confusing sense of humor and a lot on her plate (no fat joke intended). The internet is my outlet. If I really acted how I do on ACF, I wouldn’t have any friends, haha. I’m actually very well liked and popular at my school.. isn’t dat WEIRD?
So the next time you want to get angry at what I post.. just remember; I’M NOT BEING SERIOUS.
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I knoooow of a place, where you never get harmed..
A maaagical place with maaagical charms.
"If this place has such an ego issue that it candle handle competition..." - Kabla
