Imagine trying to squeeze out a loaf for 3 antagonizing hours and just as you think your finished and you hear that delightful plop in the porcelain throne, you realize it is not done and only continues. 3 lengthy hours where the only thought in your mind, is that soon you will be able to stand up triumphantly and get the hell off the crapper, yet saddened at the intense waste of time that this has taken from your life. Time that will never be refunded to you, lost time, and sadly wasted time.

That is what The Watchmen was to me.

When I first saw the previews for this movie I was immediately comparing it to the visual ecstasy that was ‘300’ and the sheer though of foamy panties was building on the horizon. Counting down the days for something worthwhile to see in the movie theaters was taking so long, but when we got there I felt happier than gold medal Special Olympian.

Then the movie began. Slow. It ended the same way.. roughly 3 hours later.

There honestly was no point in the movie where I could identify a climax because the entire movie was basically a flat line in action.

This is a movie of ‘has-been’ super heroes where almost all have no notable powers. It was more dialogue then the last Superman movie. The fight scenes were fist brawls that lasted less then 30 seconds, and I felt like I was watching an episode of Dr. Phil the entire time. The only person in this movie whom had some sort of super powers was a man who was a blue night light and for ½ the movie you saw his glowy blue penis hovering around the scene. You saw two really cheap soft porno type interludes and that is it.

Here is a short list of things I would rathers do then watch this pathetic movie again:


1. Hug Obama or have a luncheon with Sharpton / Jackson.

2. Lick the anus of a porcupine.

3. Join the NAACP.

4. Watch an entire season of American Idol.


The entire plot line of this movie was like an old Dick Tracy flick finding the murderer and the arch villains super power is ‘being rich and smart.’ Nothing compared to true villians or true super heroes.


When I think of super hero movies, I think of flying or them shooting fireballs at eachother. Super metal claws able to slice through anything and anyone. Not some openly homosexual man whose biggest powers are a knowledge of martial arts, being rich, and having a college education. On top of that you think of super heroes and villains dying in an epic battle right? Well in this world, one of the super villains was dying of.. cancer. That is as stupid as Wonder Woman getting drunk on Jesus Juice and dying of Syphillus like Kenny in SouthPark. I wanna see a real super hero movie, not a cgi glowing blue ding dong on my screen, that isn’t super. I can hit an adult novelty store and buy one of those for 20 bucks if I want.. nothing super about that. (Unless it’s the new 4000 model with 4 gear shifters and an in-built heating utility unit with add on nozzle top and duel ring capabilities). But still…. This movie was crap.


Do something else... this movie isn't even worth a bootleg copy. I'm so mad.. I cried myself to sleep last night.. and had nightmares about blue ding dongs.

 

-----signature-----

I was thinking of going to see this movie. but i've heard other disappointment in this movie. i may just decide and stay home and watch something from on demand.

 

-----signature-----

Don't lie, you loved the blue cock all over your screen.

Well, you AND retal to be fair....

And Tap.

 

-----signature-----

I liked it and thought it was really good. Some people don't have the attention span for 3 hours I guess. ADD is really hurting this country.

 

-----signature-----

It was so bad..

I rathers have ventrilosex with Turric then see that movie again.

 

-----signature-----

Alan Moore's The Watchmen wasn't about super heroes (well, except for one). It was about flawed vigilantes that and the world crumbling around them. It was a drama film (and morality play), with a little action in it, not the canned action/adventure movies we're used to seeing.

Sorry that you expected something else Lexi, you might have enjoyed it if you knew from the beginning it wasn't a 300/X-Men/Iron-Man clone (though, I liked all 3 of those movies).

I'm still looking forward to seeing it, and now that I'm not playing the role of single parent, I can go see it this week (at least when my personal economic stimulus package AKA "tax return" hits my account)

 

-----signature-----

I like ventrilosex, Lexi. And lucky for you, I'm really quick, so you won't get bored and lose interest

 

-----signature-----

And what did you say in the other post, Lexi? I like vulgarity. It stimulates me.

 

-----signature-----

ToS - Discussion of moderator actions is not allowed

He don't realise that you and I have nuffin but <3

Either that or some hippy got mad again

 

-----signature-----

I'm a fanboy and I thought the movie was full of fail. Could have been worse I suppose.


C-

 

-----signature-----