My teen daughter is going to be 15 next month.


We have never been particularly close. I am her stepfather and always kept a 'distance' and respect her privacy and space. I am very close with my other children (non step), hugging, kissing on the cheek and find it 'odd' that my teen daughter never shows anything but disregard for me. She is close to mom. Just wondering or if anyone has suggestions. I do things like take her out for special treats (her favorite candybar, out to coffee, etc). I talk with her often, and we share a lot in our Ipods and music and computer knowledge. I also drove her to school and home every day this last year, her freshman year in high-school.


any suggestions?

 

-----signature-----

dunno, are there any other particular activities she enjoys, or might enjoy?

otherwise, I guess you'll just have to wait it out, I've got nothing here.

I certainly disliked my parents. We get along MUCH better now that I've moved 2000 miles away and had two little girls (though marrying someone they hate definitely didn't help but oh well).

 

-----signature-----

I never liked my parents growing up. Then again, my mother was never one for showing affection and my dad was basically absent (they were divorced.) Perhaps try showing her more affection once in a while? Maybe a hug just out of the blue? She might resist a little, but at least she will know you care as much about her as the rest of the kids.

 

-----signature-----

other hobbies?


I drive her places, like to her piano practice, to her baseball practice and games, to her friends house. I am transportation until she can drive.


We listen to her ipod in the car (she plugs it into the car radio)..

 

-----signature-----

Being her chauffeur isn't including yourself in a hobby with her. Accident means actually participating in something with her.

 

-----signature-----

Maybe she actually feels left out. You said you're close to all "your" other kids but sort of distanced from her... I don't think I'd take well to feeling like I'm different from all the rest.

Even if you meant it totally to respect her and give her space.

What do I know though, I have never been in the situation.

 

-----signature-----

She is a teenager so she will naturally be wanting to pull away from her parents. Part of the issue here may be that you are a step-father; however, I don't think that should matter too much. Even if you were a father, she would be pulling away some anyway just like any other daughters would.

In fact, I think the best advice is to talk to her directly about this and tell her what you would like to see happen and find out what she is thinking and feeling. Just don't expect the world to change with one talk as she may be reluctant to open up to you right away; however, if she sees that you are trying, I think she will likely come around after a while. I also agree with the other people who say that being a chaperon is not really taking an active role. Kids won't likely see this as anything more than a parental duty that you are obligated to do.

 

-----signature-----

the distancing is her choice, not mine.


I treat all my kids equally. the others are much younger though, and show more affection. They are tucked in at night, and a teen is not. Differences like that, which are natual once you grow older. I wouldn't expect my 9 yr old son to give me goodnight hugs/kisses at 15. o.O


Have you ever tried talking to a teen!? They yell, "GO AWAY"

 

-----signature-----

I would still have a quiet conversation with my teen before he/she went to bed and I would definitely give goodnight hugs to my child, no matter what age. Even teens need to feel safe and comfortable around their parents. I don't think my step kids ever yelled 'GO AWAY' to me when I tried honestly talking and listening to them. They liked that I was interested in them and their life.

Silver

 

-----signature-----

My daughter is 18 and gives me AND her stepfather goodnight hugs/kisses and when we're in public she'll still hold my hand when we're walking around.


We're that close and we show affection to each other.


She's NEVER yelled GO AWAY to me for anything. She's more apt to say, "Mom/Simon, can we talk about XZY??"

 

-----signature-----