Well, where to start. Birth is good, I suppose. I tend to be wordy, so I'll try and keep this under 50,000 words.
I was born in Anchorage, Alaska on August 26th, 1977. I was the youngest of 3 children. (That changes later)
Around 10 years old (probably before) my parents started having problems. My dad had a cocaine sniffing problem. Stole my brother's gold coin collection, sister's silver bar, and because I share the same name with the ass waffle, my Permanent Fund Money. (Percentage of the oil profits given to all residents of AK)
They got divorced, and for the next 4-6 years, I get bounced between the two. Him in Spokane, Washington, and my mother moves to Scottsdale, Arizona.
My dad's drug habit is getting worse. He's taking my paper route money now, and at 14, I'm covering 40% of our rent. He's also taken a shining to beating the piss out of me, and in one particularly coked out haze, he sits on me and drags a knife across my left forarm 8 times. Closet dowels, hangers, belts. Whatever he can get his hands on, I get whacked with. Needless to say, I was a pillar of sanity after that.
16, I'm bigger, cuter, and really angry. My dad raised his hand to me, and I beat him until he cries. He never touches me again. Unfortunately, the damage is done.
All throughout High School, I am in advanced classes. By 16, I'm being shuttled to the local college for math and science classes. I'm being thrown out of classes, disciplined, because I am an arrogant prick who can't keep my mouth shut when a teacher makes a mistake. My dream at the time is to go to the Naval Academy.
17-18. My life catches up with me. I am angry, acting like an ass to my family and friends. My mother has thrown me out of the house, and I'm bouncing between friends houses to keep from sleeping on the street. I am skipping school, (read: not going at all for a couple of weeks) and although I had 20 credits and 9 College credits by the time I hit my senior year, and I just hit 1580 on my SATs, I just stop going. They kick me out. I am now a diplomaless loser.
I'm working at Taco Bell, 70 hours a week, to make enough money to eat. It's 2AM on a road called Pima, it has no lights, it's raining, and that rain...sounds....so....nice....so....rhythmic...
......I wake up going 60mph in a ditch, headed for a concrete wash. I impale my head on the hood that has protruded through the windshield. I have bruises from my wrists to armpits, and neck to belly button. Oh yeah, and I rupture my Achilles tendon. Which always brings a laugh because that's also my last name. It never really heals right and I still limp every morning, probably will for the rest of my life.
I get a call from my Navy recruiter, saying since I scored a perfect score on my ASVAB test, they will take me anyway. And since I didn't want to live with my dad, and my mother and sister had already kicked me out, I thought that was a pretty good idea.
I join the Navy as a Radioman. Go spend 4 years in Hellish Hawaii. This is where I meet my wife. We have a gorgeous wedding in a Hawai'ian garden on the shores of the Pacific.
I walk into the local bank, to get my first ever loan. I'm 18, never had any credit, the banker tells me: "no sweat" She comes back into the room, looking at me like I didn't clean my room and says: "
ou really should have told me how bad your credit was". Dear old dad has been using my social security number to default on his mortgage, and pay...well, not pay on his car. For the next oh....forever, I have to constantly clear his piss poor credit off my credit report.
I got married way too young, 19, and during the course of our first two years of marriage, I find out she has been having an affair for three months with a dude that works across the hall from me. I don't hold any ill will, she was young too, and it's not like we saw each other much. Always working opposite shifts. But our marriage is never the same.
After 4 years in Hellwaii, we head to the mainland, and start planning for our divorce. I put my resume up on Monster.com. Now, I have little college, and the Navy paid for my diploma, but that's about all I have. No certifications, no degrees.
I get a call to hop down to Wells Fargo, they need a technical guy. The interview was 5 minutes long, and consisted of:
Why do you think you are suited to this job? Because if it involves a computer, I can do it better than anyone else.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? As your boss.
I was hired instantly.
I now deploy, design, configure, and support servers nationwide for the bank.
So, divorce proceedings are going good. And I get a call. Guess what, AJ. I'm pregnant.
And the doc just told me I'm already 6 months along.
After a few beers with my mom, I decide that this is a good thing, and 3 months later, Alexander was born.
My son is the most precious thing in my life. Smart as a whip and as demanding as me. He's just turned 4 in February.
About 1.5 years ago, I meet Tequila Sunrise here on the VNBoards. Now, I've poked fun at friends for "dating" online. I vowed I'd certainly never do it. Amusingly, she PM'd me by accident, and that's how we met.
I fly her out to Scottsdale, and take her to Fountain Hills for our first date. There, we watch the tallest fountain in the world. There is a tree, with little flowers on it, and as the mist and wind hits us....the little flowers start falling from the tree, and I kiss her amidst falling petals. I'm smooth like that.
So, now I've been living with her for a year now, and she's driving me out of my farking min.....wait, I mean I'm happy right now.
I'm in the process of buying a house, and if my credit is clear, it may even go through.
I'm sure I could think of more, but since most of you are probably asleep already, I'll wrap it up. I told you I was wordy.
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