Alrighty, where was I? Oh right ... okay, so the summer before junior year things were looking pretty sketchy. I was living in a drug-house (pretty much) everything was broken, my mom was effed up most of the day. She owned her own business, which she had driven into the ground, and it was tough just getting by day to day. Sophomore year I got the lowest grades I've ever had in my life (like a 85 average) because home life sucked so bad. Thankfully, one day my dad walked into the house one day and said "
ou're coming with me, I'll sort out custody later, and I'll get your stuff another day- but you need to come with me right now". And so we went and moved into my dad's apartment. 3 days later, my mom had a serious heart attack (in her mid 40s) because of drug complications and came very close to death. This finaly gave her the kick she needed to get clean. She went to a year-long intensive rehab program, but it was painful to watch her during this phase. She lost alot of her memories, gained alot of weight, and looked like hell everytime I saw her. My sister was very bothered by this, and stop talked to her at this point. She tells people that her mother is dead, and they havn't talked since then. Maybe one or 2 of you is interested what else might have goin' down in that drug house. Well, mostly alot of RX pills, methadone (and god knows what else), alot of boozing, and a long string of dead-beat abusive boyfriends. Yeah, let me tell you it really sucks when your mom calls the cops on you because you take her beer away when she comes in drunk off her ass at 2 in the morning. Yeah, thanks mom - I appreciate the hitting too. Sorry, sorry, little touchy on that subject. I got alotta stories about that kinda stuff; but I don't think ACF needs to hear them all. But, this is my Focus On so I thought I'd throw in at least one: so ya'll have an idea of how badly that phase of my life sucked.
On a happier note junior year was real good. I got my first car (a 91' Infiniti Q45 I picked up for 800 bucks because it was 200k on it, the eletric system was shot to hell, the AC and heat were busted, and it would stall out for no reason at a light), but I loved that damn car. I was sad to see it go. My grades improved that year, and I met alot of really cool friends (I didn't have much time for friends fresh/soph year). I never really got into the whole drinking scene (and, gee, you wonder why?), so that kind of left me on the outside. But, hell, that was always fine by me because I had my cool outsider friends. Senior year things only got better for me. I aced all my classes, kicked ass on the SATS (1340 - a family record) and graduated near the top of class with a 97 average. Even got some kind of presidental scholarship and award for doin' so well. During this time I always was working a full time job (well, okay, like 30 hours) and it hardly effected me at all. Sure, it was kind of rough to goto school at 7-2, work from 4-12 for a few days a week, but I liked having the money to spend. 2 summers ago my dad remarried and we all moved to another town into a nice big ol' house. I still there today with my 3 step brothers, 2 cats, sister and my dad & step mom.
My Step mom is kinda an interesting character. I think she's kind annoying, but she seems to have it in for my sister. Now, my sister a drama queen anyway, but she's always real frail. She feels like she's being beat up on all the time by my step-mom (not sure how true that is - but I do worry). I care so much for my sister, because she was hit so much harder by the whole drug ordeal; she's still seeing a therapist about it even today. She takes her anger out on me alot though. Tells me I don't understand, tells me I don't care about her, shouts in my face. Its real hard to deal with, but I still do everything for her. I get up early in the morning (even if I worked late) to bring her to school so she doesn't have to go alone. I buy her a ton of stuff, and I always listen to her bitch about anything. Does she ever ask me how I'm feeling? Well, no; but that doesn't bother me too much. I tell ya: nothing bothers me anymore. After all I went through a few years ago nothing effects me. Hell, the first time I cried in the last 3 years was making this thread because I got to thinking about how I need to visit my Da's grave pretty soon because its been so long....
God damn I miss my Da.
But I said this would be happier part didn't I? Well things are great right now! I just finished my first year at UW Madison (the 32nd best school in the nation BTW) with a slick 3.6 GPA. (another family record), and I'm on track for a masters degree in accounting. I still got a good job (although I'd like 2 jobs this summer. Anything less than 50-60 hours a week feels like slacking off to me. My friends call me crazy for that, but I hate not working). I still got alot of great friends from high school. No girlfriend; but I don't really want one. I have no interest in girls, or boys, or dating at all. Alot of people tell me I'm just childish like that (which pisses me off) but I just don't want to be a part of that; and I hate feeling like I have to. Still not drinking, and I doubt I will. Its grown to a point were I detest people who are drinkers, and I violently detest any drug users. A few of my friends told me they started smoking pot in college and I flipped out at them; I came about this (> <
close to kicking their ass. I can't stand that young people would EVER want to put that crap in them. I see any kind of substance use (and abuse) as a sign of personal weakness, and nothin'll ever change that.
That's a big thing about me, I hate weakness. I look back on all these things I've done and I see a weak person who couldn't handle things so he ran away and played alot of video games. I saw a weak person with glasses and braces and every outward sign that said 'I am weak - push me around'. That all changed; and it still changing. I will not allow myself to be a weak person. I've started working out again, (3 miles a day running, weight training 3-4 times a week), and I've doubled my effort to control my emotions. My mother has shown me was weakness is, and I can never become that. I NEED to work 50 hours a week to prove I'm not weak. I need to exercise myself to a point I know I can't get to. I can't let my dad pay for anything, even if he offers, because that just means I don't have the means do it myself. You may call that a complex, but I call that motivation - and that's how I live myself. The most important person in my life is my dad. Through everything he put up with me. When I told him he was an asshole and he hated me, he didn't yell back. He rescued me from a hell-hole. I owe him so damn much; and I hope to pay it all back. I'll make it up to you daddy; you watch me. You won't be disapointed with when I've finished what I've started.
I read, and re-read through this stuff and I wonder: is this me? Did these things happen to me? What about everything else that happened? If I don't write it, does that mean it never happened? Everything seems so surreal and distant. Even last summer; did I really do all those things that I imagined myself to have done? Is that train ride for real? But I digress. Enough biography, eh?
What does Bloodangel_Mephiston like to do for fun? Well I listen to a ton of music pretty much any genre; although metal music is probably my favorite. Even given this, my favorite band is "They Might be Giants". I can't stand "emo" music because it goes back to that whole thing of weakness. Whallowing in self-pity and sadness is weakness, and I can't stand to let myself do it. I watch alot anime and sci-fi stuff. I have a huge collection of DVDs and CDs. I also read alot; I probably have about 3-4 boxes of books already. I, of course, play quite a few MMOS (I've tried all of them at some point, but AC and AO were always my favorites) and I post alot here on ACF. ACF is a very entertaining place, and I love ya'll (awww ... touching). When I'm not distracting myself here, I write satirical essays for my friends; they tell me I should submit they somewhere, but I'm not sure people other than myself would like them. I consider myself to be a pretty witty fellow (am I not?), but sometimes the only person who gets my jokes is me. Politcally? I'm a registered as a democrat, but I wonder sometimes. I've been lumped into the conservative camp around here, and my friends all call me republican: but I dislike the whole 'neo-con' movement that's been going around recently. On the whole I'm a pretty easy-going guy, (mostly because nothing tends to bother me) and I'm always making jokes and wisecracks. I care alot about my friends and my sister; and would do anything to help them. I have a strong conscience, and do more than my fair share sometimes. I also hardly ever share my true feelings with anyone other than myself. This thread, of course, being one of the few exceptions to that rule. Very few (ok, no one) knows the "true" me, and that's the way I'd like to keep it. As for fetishes? Hmmm, not too interested in dating, (or even checking out chicks for that matter), but kitty ears really make me happy down in the pants.
And that's about all I can think of right now. If ya got a question you'd better ask it now; this is really the only time I'm opening myself up, so ya'll better be greatful.
Oh, and if this doesn't get 100+ replies, I'll be very sad. Been postin since 1999 (under Ceresor in those days, before the remerge in 01) and I never had a single thread over 75.
