VaultNetwork.netVault Network Boards
Author Topic: GI Joe - A Collection of Vomit & Rip Offs [Locked]
Lexi_Necrodiva  3 stars
Posts: 641
Registered: 2002-1-10 15:11:27
The last time there was so much hype over nothingness, Geraldo Rivera was opening up a tomb on live TV which happened to be empty. It was a waste of time in the lives of anyone that watched it. The same goes for GI Joe.

I rathers have my ovaries removed by the tentacles of a Kraken, then watch this movie a second time. It ranked up there with Sweeney Todd and any movie Uwe Bohl made. The entire movie was a piss poor version of every Star Wars conclusion, and I seen better acting during episodes of The MILF Hunter.

The vocals of this movie were plain and dead, and the fight scenes were so full of college intro CGI that I felt like I was watching a 1990s video game intro. The Masters of Orion intro for all 3 games were better than this movie. (I love and miss those games).

GI Joe was highly disappointing. If anyone plans on getting laid do not take a date to see this movie for 2 reasons.

1. It will be impossible to get sexually aroused after watching this movie.
2. Your date will most likely die or kill you after being forced to watch this movie.

My sister said it would be a good idea to get out of the house, now that my ankle is doing better and I can leave a bit. Not only is she in a coma, but somehow my ankle hurts again. It might have decided to break itself again just to bail out after 10 minutes of this God awful flick. When we came home, my dog knew something was wrong and urinated on me.

I touched base on the Star Wars rip offs so lets focus on that. The entire fight scene at the end was like the battle of Yavin. Everything from the scene of the ground turrets shooting, to them launching the Death Star and shooting the big ship to the quote of 'we cannot repel an attack of that magnitude,' to the Darth Vader / Luke battle in Empire Strikes back and even the infamous "I'm your father" quote... except it wasn't fathers but Brothers. (no spoiler due to it being announced in the first 2 minutes). I can go on and on, but the entire design up to the viewing room where they watched the battle outside from the glass window was completely done in copy of Star Wars... George Lucas should sue.

I'm gonna watch something to snap me out of this state I am in. Maybe a documentary about this chick named Debbie and her escapades through Dallas, or Winnie the Pooh, or even stare at dog crap in my back yard. Anything is better than this movie.

F+ and that's for effort alone. The only good thing I saw in this movie was when they tore up parts of France, and that's because French people suck choad water.

 

-----signature-----
GM of Piracy & Fallen Eagles
GM of Unguilded
torii_T
Posts: 41
Registered: 2002-7-31 10:58:39
Go watch the trailer for V on the V thread and you will feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

 

-----signature-----
Insta AE IQ debuff just by opening this thread.--Loathario
Toree <Moral Turpitude> open<---bah
It definately takes more skill to do what we do, than to follow a minstrel/bard/(no offense but I don't know Mid speed wagon)
--Gralis-50 scout<- LMAO
briq  1 star
Posts: 60
Registered: 2003-11-20 13:02:22
it was a wayan's brother.. and not the funny one either.

 

-----signature-----
Lexi_Necrodiva  3 stars
Posts: 641
Registered: 2002-1-10 15:11:27
There's a funny Wayans?

Oh forgot to mention.... 2 more reasons this movie sucked..

Keano Reeves acting and appearence from a villian...

&

Brandon Frasier....

Brandon Frasier is taint to movies... you could have put him in any epic movie and he woulda sunk it. Gone With The Wind is a great movie only because he wasn't born yet to butt rape it to pieces....

God I hate Brandon Frasier... I'm probably spelling his name wrong.. he's not worth the time to check.. I hope he gets Swine Flu before he ruins another film.

 

-----signature-----
GM of Piracy & Fallen Eagles
GM of Unguilded
rainermaria
Posts: 39
Registered: 2002-1-14 12:09:36
I have to agree with your opinion on that douche nozzle brendon fraser. George of the Jungle. Seriously that should be his biography there.

 

-----signature-----
Rainer - 85 Warrior Drak'tharon
http://us.battle.net/wow/en/character/draktharon/rainer/simple
Rainermaria - 50 Bard Gawaine - Retired
Rainer - 50 Hero Gawaine - Retired
/gu @@
Charnley123  1 star
Posts: 61
Registered: 2002-1-5 22:43:15
whats wrong with Brandon Fraser? have you not seen Journey to the Center of the Earth?

 

-----signature-----
UPTIGHT SNOB seeks narrow-minded, idiotic, trigger-happy bigot for enormous offensive argument.
Which I will win.
groundskeeperr  1 star
Title: Poet and didnt know it
Posts: 51
Registered: 2002-4-17 08:44:53
"my dog knew something was wrong and urinated on me."

Lexi, you certainly are a magnet for fluids, bodily or otherwise.

 

-----signature-----
http://www.flickr.com/photos/30546199@N04/2862061416/
WoW-Smolderthorn: Loobeedoobee(Mage), Plunked(Hunter)
Daoc:Gawaine,Lancelot,Bors: Groundskeeperr(Armsman,Hero,Paladin)
http://cheesywheesey.mybrute.com
http://i36.tinypic.com/2uyod3k.g
Lexi_Necrodiva  3 stars
Posts: 641
Registered: 2002-1-10 15:11:27
I saw District 9 last night....


it washed away the filth that was GI Joe...


District 9 was a good movie and enhances any sexual episode - that's how good District 9 was.

 

-----signature-----
GM of Piracy & Fallen Eagles
GM of Unguilded

VaultNetwork.net is an independently operated community forum and is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or technically based on IGN, GameSpy, FilePlanet, GameStats, or the former IGN/GameSpy Vault Network.
References to VaultNetwork.net mean this site/domain. VNBoards-style presentation is a visual homage only. By using this site, you agree to the forum rules.