I need to do a talk with my daughter. Found out she was online and taking all kinds of "sex-polls" on the internet. Her girlfriends were sending her links to these sex polls to see how long you last, what kind of lover you are etc..


So now we are in great need of "the talk".


I want to focus it on being in love. That it's an expression of love, and something you do with someone you love, and that a baby is the result, and then talk about items of use to prevent or encourage that.


I also want to talk about safety, and issues of doing what you're "comfortable" with. That it's different for everybody, and some tolerate more and some tolerate less activities and duration from pleasure or lack thereof.


Any other ideas come to mind?

 

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Dunno, but as far as the comfortable/tolerance goes, if she's just a teenager anyway, less tolerance and experimentation is probably a good idea... Obviously depending on what they're doing, but hey, I would be pretty worried about taking things too far in the name of trying something new.

 

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im all about being direct and giving them the facts...dont lie, or try to sugar it up. they will and have heard more at school then you could imagine. just reinforce that you as a parent/friend will always be available to answer and to listen to anything they have to talk about.

 

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My daughter's "only" 11, but we've had a long standing rule of honesty in this department, no matter how uncomfortable it makes any of us.

Now, to be fair, we're honest in the sense that we'll answer any question that she has, but we're not exactly forthcoming with information that she doesn't have the slightest curiosity about. We do bring up the topic quite regularly, though, to answer any new questions she may have and do a basic check-in on where she's at in all parts of her social life.

 

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I think the love aspect is only one part of the equation. Give that information, but also be blunt and honest about what sex is like and what the repercussions can be if the proper precautions aren't taken. When I explained how she could get pregnant and what the actual birth process was like (bones separating, baby's head pushing out that little tiny space, etc.), she pretty much decided she won't ever let a boy touch her until she's married and wants kids. Of course, she's only 11 and that will likely change, but that was a great thing to hear at the time. I'm also encouraging her to be friends with boys and not get into any kind of relationship until she finishes her education (she wants to be a NICU doctor). I don't expect that to happen, but I threw it out there for good measure. I also emphasized that most teenage boys are not looking for love and to not believe them when they try to pressure her to have sex by telling her how much they love her, etc. If they really do love her, they will respect her desire to wait (assuming she maintains her fear of teenage pregnancy).


It's a tough subject, but like FC, my daughter and I have always had a policy of honesty and she talks to me about everything you can imagine.

 

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Great tips, thanks!

 

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I was brutally honest with Vanessa with our 'sex talk'. We had it when she was 10, and continued it as she got older and more curious.


You can't sugar coat it, you can't give clever euphemisms, you need to be 'this is how it is, how it works and the consequences of it.'


She and I have always had an open relationship communication-wise and it's continued to serve us well now that she's 18 and in college.


She understands the importance of being responsible and being able to make the decision to STAY responsible. While she's not intimate with her boyfriend yet, the fact that she wants to start the pill this year means she's thinking about it, and wants to have that going for her.

 

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Thanks all,


It went better than I thought.


1. about being clean

2. in love, when its appropriate, marriage, etc..

3. doing only what you're comfortable with andnot being pressured (if they pressure you they dont really love you)

4. What guys expect and do (teenage boys are not looking for love)

5. birth control (use of)

6. STDs (what can happen, and how gross or deadly it can be)

7. cost and maintainance in time of caring for a baby..

 

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I'm glad it went well. It's definitely not a fun conversation to have with your kid(s), but a little honesty and a lot of preparation go a long way.

 

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