I have taken these values into my own way of child raising. My kids know the rules and their friends know the rules. If there is an issue when the friends are here, we will have a family meeting and include our guest. We show that we care about them as we care for our children, because we do.
We are trusted and loved by our kids and their friends because we treat them with respect and in return, we are respected. They confide in us and ask us questions they probably would not ask their own parents.
One such friend of our daughters asked me is it wrong to kiss four different boys in a game of truth or dare. This is a 13 year old mind you. I told her yes it is, you are 13 and in middle school and you will gain a very bad reputation before you reach high school. Concerned, we informed her mother, and instead of talking to her daughter; while we were on the phone, yelled at her saying she is not going back to the park (where the incident took place) and assumed we, were calling her daughter a slut.
Our kids have their own laptops; in order for them to keep their laptops, we have all their login info and passwords. We randomly check them not to spy, but to parent. Now we have found much much worse in conversations this girl has had with our daughter and our son (like offering him sex if he hugs her everyday at school so she can be more popular), but given her last response we feel it is not our responsibility, and, she has access to it via the internets just like we did.
If you are so concerned of how others view your child, you should talk to your child. How do your children view themselves? What are these kids doing to try to gain attention? What attention do they get at home or not get at home. Who are their real friends. Trust me; your kid is not a friend with 987 people like facebook says.
Another friend of our daughters tells us her father hits her in the face and calls her a slut and a whore. This is one of the most well behaved, respectful, lovely young women my wife and I have ever met. We tell her that to. We tell her mom that. How wonderful her daughter is. Instead of a thank you, they think that I am being inappropriate.
This same girl had her cell phone stolen while visiting, when her and my daughter went out. She came back to our house in tears and said she knew the boys, they were in High School, and would I help her get it back. Without hesitation, I got up and drove around looking for the two wannabe hooligans. At the same time telling this girl, she needs to call her father so they can cancel the phone and call the police as soon as possible.
I called her cell phone and a boy answered, I asked him to return my daughters phone (it was easier and seemed more authoritive then saying my daughter’s friends…) so we did not have to get the cops involved. He told me he would think about it, once I told him I knew his name and proved it to him.
We found them a few blocks later (after the girl called her father) and we approached them. Sadly, they are underage so not much I can do. But I let this girl question them, and the one boy emptied his pockets, like he did not have anything, but I still have a gut feeling he was lying.
Another boy kept trying to get his friends to leave and ignore us, when my daughters friend question him about the phone, he said “do I look like I have your fucking phone†and stepped towards her. Again, this is not my child, not my stepchild. I stepped in between and said “calm the fuck down she just asked you a question†Now I do not know these boys, and with this town riddled with gangs and wannabes I do not know what this kid would try and do, fortunately he did nothing and we went on our way, phoneless, to meet her dad.
I was not present when the phone went missing. I was not present to see the boys run away. I only know what I was told by my daughter and her friend. Then the events I have just discussed.
This is what I get in return for my efforts from her mother:
With all do respect to you, XXXX,and XXXXX I really do feel that there is more to the events that occurred tonight. And the fact that when this all took place that XXXXX's Dad or myself were not contacted. That should have been the first phone call, then the cops. The stories don't add up, and there are bits and pieces that are being left out
1) No one ever asked me what I did or didn’t know or did or did not do. No asked me anything.
2) I did what I thought was right and what I would hope most people would do and that is try to help. It was how I was raised.
Now this comes from someone that when my daughter goes to her house for a sleepover, she is having sex with the door wide open. When I dropped my daughter off she says to my daughter “Well look at this hoochie!â€
They also had concerns of me texting their daughter. Which I do, like this day of the missing phone, I knew she was coming over so I texted her (our daughter got her phone taken away for bad grades) to ask if she was sleeping over, knowing that if she was I had to go to the store. Or later that day she texted me to tell my daughter she was on her way over. I texted her back to tell her I was not home, so I could not give her the message.
It pains me to think anyone would think I would be inappropriate with a child. I have stayed up all night with a pain in my heart knowing there is someone in this world that thinks this of me. I will always put a childs needs above my own. I would always protect a child, any child, with my life.
What has become of all of us? Can we not help one another, especially when it is a child involved? Have we become so paranoid as a society that someone cannot compliment another’s child?
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